Dating sober

I thought I’d share some sober dating stories from the dreaded “telling them you don’t drink” perspective…

To give context, I finally exited from my long-term, unhealthy relationship in September this year. I started dating after a couple of months. This is the first time I’ve ever dated, having been a serial monogamist for most of life, and the first time I’ve ever dated sober.

Date #1 went for coffee, told him I don’t drink, he gave me a look but didn’t say or ask anything about it

Date #2 cautiously told him I don’t drink, he reacted in the same way as when I told him I like reading. Literally didn’t phase him

Date #3 didn’t happen. Told him I don’t drink after he suggested a pub date (which I was very happy to go to, just wouldn’t have alcohol there) and he mysteriously vanished

Date #4 he told me he really respects that I don’t drink because he quit alcohol for 18 months during COVID. Proceeded to drink a pint and tell me about all the drugs he takes

Date #5 asked me why I don’t drink, and explained that he barely drinks either. Had a lovely chat about the benefits of being sober, especially for Sundays!

So there’s been a mixture, overall I would say it’s been positive. I haven’t had any stark negative reactions, I haven’t had any “well what do you do for fun then” or sarcastic “you must be fun at parties”, which I was dreading. I think the culture is moving on a bit, lots more people are sober curious or just more mindful. Here in the UK, 1 in 5 people don’t drink. Interestingly, you’ll see that statistic replicated in my 5 date experiences.

Sober dating, in summary, is still scary, but less scary than I thought. Everyone has been largely supportive and positive. Oh and Bumble and Tinder have “I don’t drink” options so you can filter out all the opposers before you even get to the chat stage.

To be continued…