Counting sober days

When I started this sobriety journey, I was counting the days. Counting the days since my last drink. I used an app called I am Sober and I would check it every day, sometimes multiple times a day. Pledging in the morning, reviewing in the evening and just making sure those numbers were correct every other time.

When I reached 100 days, I had hit my original goal. I had planned to do 100 days but I had fallen in love with sobriety. At 100 days I stopped counting.

I have just checked into that app again and I am one day away from 135 days. I have passed the four month mark. I am heading straight towards 6 months, a whole half year of being sober. I am elated at this achievement. That milestone is 2 months away, but 2 months feels like a flash, compared to the beginning where a day felt like a month and a week felt like a year.

I was invited to a Hen Party in March next year. I told the organiser that I don’t drink. Saying out loud that Eleanor of March next year doesn’t drink seems crazy to me, to know that I still won’t be drinking so distant in the future. But it also feels safe. I feel safe knowing I won’t waste another minute with a hangover, flooded with shame and self loathing. I feel safe knowing I am the healthiest I’ve ever been and that I treat my body with kindness. I feel like sobriety is forever.

My next big milestone, 6 months, will be on the 15th November. Until then, I’ve stopped counting the days, because being sober is me now. I am not counting down to anything or away from anything. I am just living, living my life in the healthiest way possible. So, I will celebrate the big moments, like the soberversarys, but I’ll also enjoy the moments, without relying on the numbers for stability. I’ll feel safe knowing that this is me now. I am sober. Strong and sober.