Category: Uncategorized
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Happy ramblings
I’ve been quiet recently. It seems that the inspiration to write drains as my life gets bigger and happier. You’d think that creativity stemmed from excitement, but I guess it evolves from sadness. It is hard to write when I’m not sad. I am now nine months sober and completely in love with it. Sobriety…
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Sober New Year
My New year’s Eve for the last 11 years. Spot the difference. 2011: The clock struck midnight, I had a massive drunken fight with my boyfriend of the time, punched a hole through a canvas painting I’d just given him for Christmas and then cried the whole way home. 2012: Got exceptionally drunk, had a…
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Christmas sip ups
My lovely mum, supportive of my alcohol free lifestyle, bought me a “non alcoholic” Elderflower drink to have during our Christmas lunch. I took one sip and immediately felt suspicious. I checked the can…4%. I’d only taken one sip but felt a shower of guilt. She was obviously very apologetic and hadn’t realised it had…
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I feel untethered
I’m feeling untethered. I can see myself standing on the ground, and yet I’m floating around like an astronaut. I feel myself getting further and further from the floor, feeling more unsteady and nauseous each day. This is the most unsettled I’ve felt since I quit drinking. I’ve have that anxious butterfly tummy and a…
Soberfying
alcohol, alcoholfree, anxiety, booze, clean, drink, drinking, drugs, health, mental health, sober, soberfying, struggle, teetotal, wellbeing -
I am addicted to sobriety
It is all I talk about, all I think about, all I read about. I am obsessed with my new found sobriety. I am pouring with endless energy, motivation, excitement and joy. Emotions that were previously dimmed by drinking. I feel like I am high on sobriety. I realise that this is my unique experience,…
Soberfying
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100 days sober
100 days ago, I woke up in a semi-hungover state, tired, grouchy, with a light spattering of memory loss from the night before and some embarrassment from passing out on the sofa (whilst playing mario kart of all things). This was not the “hangover from hell”. This was not a “I feel like I’m gonna…
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Sober festivals
I am a lover of festivals. I have loved the crazy production of Boomtown, the grotty field living at Nass, the big names at Reading, the airfield at Let It Roll, the atmosphere at Rampage and so on. I’ve been going to festivals every year since I was 16 years old. And every festival has…
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Pride 🏳️🌈
Today I celebrate 12 weeks sober, in addition to the fabulous celebrations all around the city for Pride weekend. I’ve attended a few Prides now, each one just as messy as the others. Traditionally, we started drinking around 11am when the parade first makes its way through the rainbow donned streets. Pride 2019, I was…
Soberfying
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Running away from alcohol
“But isn’t it all the exercise that’s making you so health, not the not drinking?” – a friend. I have developed a thirst for exercise. When I haven’t run for a few days I can feel it bubble up inside. I crave exercise. It is very common for alco-quitters, to swap to other habits. Eating…
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Holidays and sobering thoughts
Holidays sober. A foreign thought. Holidays are the epitome of drinking. Pint in the airport, miniatures on the plane, cocktails on the beach, wine by the pool, boozing through the day, continuing through the night, waking to the hair of the dog and carrying on for 7 days and nights until you need a holiday…
Soberfying
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Last night’s nightmare
This morning I woke up in dread, feeling like I had a hangover and scolding myself with shame. It took a few minutes to realise I had just woken up from a bad dream, a bad dream in which I had drunk. In the nightmare, I had just woken up from a party and knew…
Soberfying
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The nothingness phase
I am not going to write a fake post about how hard I am finding this. Even though I know that stories of struggle attract more readers. When I asked a sober-curious friend about books about soberfying, she actually said, “I just enjoy reading other peoples dreadful booze stories and how they got sober”. And…
Soberfying
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If I had drunk
So this last week has been hard. The desire to drink has been strong, the booze gremlin residing in my head has been chattering away louder than usual. However, I am pleased to be able to write that I have not drunk. And sitting here on this absolutely stunning, summer’s day, I’m thinking about how…
Soberfying
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Struggling
The last four days have gone so slowly. I feel like I’m trekking through sludge, made up on congealed wine and stale beer. Treading the sticky substance to get through the other side. My determination to keep going is the only reason I haven’t given in. Probably also my stubbornness and my “be perfect” driver,…
Soberfying
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Til death booze us part 💍
First sober wedding! Complete! Verdict…sober dancing is more awkward at first and you feel like everything is staring at you. But no one is. They don’t care, literally don’t care. And what’s also funny about not drinking, is no one really notices you’re not drinking. No one really cares about what’s in your glass as…
Soberfying
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Cheers to that first day of my life
According to our beloved NHS, addiction is defined as not having control over doing, taking or using something to the point where it could be harmful to you. You could be misusing alcohol if: You feel you should cut down on your drinking – check Other people have been criticising your drinking – since the…
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Bye Bye Wine Crone 👋
I can’t remember a time, at least since becoming a teenager, that I have done something I regret whilst sober. Nothing serious anyway. All my shame, guilt, embarrassment and regret swirls round alcohol like an ugly whirlpool. That time I kissed a man who was not my boyfriend, when I slept with my best friend’s…
Soberfying
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Topsy turvy soberfying thoughts
Instead of thinking “I can’t drink that weekend because I’ll be taking antibiotics”, I would think “I can’t start my antibiotics until X date because I’ll be drinking those weekends”. What a topsy turvy thought pattern, putting my health after my drinking. I planned my days around the drinking. If I knew I was running…
Soberfying
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Parties and alcxiety
Another party today, this time a family member’s 60th. This one was more of a struggle. Other than my uncle, aunt and parents, I didn’t know anyone. I felt like a stranger in a house I’ve known since I was a child. The house was full of strangers, and booze. So much booze. The alcohol…
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That Friday feeling
It’s Friday again! Cue party popper emoji 🎉 Cue wine emoji 🍷Cue that anticipation when you get into your car, or train straight out of work and ready for the weekend. But no, then you remember. This is the first time in my 26 days sober that I have craved the booze. Maybe it’s because…
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Jubiboozefree
Whilst the majority of Brits are celebrating the Queen’s Jubilee, I am celebrating 21 days sober! 21 days alcohol free. And did I spend the bank holiday weekend inside, cowering from the booze and the party? No, I drank copious amounts of 0% beer and partied with the rest of the country. The most alarming…
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Finding excuses not to drink
I really wanted to want to stop drinking but just couldn’t bring myself to actually want it directly. I starting doing things that indirectly meant I wouldn’t drink. For example, I started doing Parkrun on saturday mornings. I even said “I like Parkrun because it means I can’t drink on Friday night”. On mornings after…
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I think about alcohol every day
I can’t be an alcoholic if I don’t drink every day. That’s the thought that penetrates through strongest, gracing me with relief and confirming there’s no reason to stop drinking. Wrong. I might not drink every day, but I think about drink every day. I obsess about it. My brain constantly ticking to the tune…